I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
