My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
