if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The air was thick with penises
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
