She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
