Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
