I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
