HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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