Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
