you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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