the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
