i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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