Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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