Got a toothbrush?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
