I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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