If i come over, it means nothing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this just has baby written all over it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
