weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
