im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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