member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He felt like a one man threesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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