We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
