Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
