at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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