I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
