i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
