Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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