be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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