I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
