Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
