Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
