Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
