I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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