My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
