Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
