My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
