not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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