what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
