She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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