While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
