It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
