I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
