I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
