I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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