I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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