Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
