I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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