he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
