I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
