my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
