brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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