She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
