I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
