It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
