i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
