the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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