How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
