Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
