at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
