They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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