i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
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